The Ugly. My relationship with food hasn’t always been good. I graduated high school with low self-esteem and an eating disorder – the era I’m referring to as “The Ugly.” I won’t go into too much detail about those years, other than using them as a reference, the point at which I was at the bottom. I was 40 lbs overweight (yes, people with eating disorders can be overweight), desperate to be thinner, but had no idea how to swim my way out of the vicious cycle that had become part of who I was (or thought I was). But this person was unhappy, sick, confused and quite frankly, desperate to find a better, more energizing way of life.
The Bad. I made some major changes in my life that began with education. I started reading. Reading, reading, reading. I read Diet for a New America by John Robbins, In Defense of Food and The Omnivores Dilemma by Michael Pollan, Eat to Live by Joel Furhman, Wheat Belly by William Davis, and the list goes on. My extensive healthy living library is certainly one to reckon with. What I discovered is that I had to change what I was eating and in turn, I naturally lost weight, felt more energized and slowly began to feel better about myself. And most importantly, I finally kicked the disordered eating.
I didn’t develop a set of rules, per se, about eating other than limiting myself to what Michael Pollan refers to as “real food” – unadulterated, unprocessed food in its most natural and wholesome state. But when I deviated from this one, simple rule, I’d beat myself up over “failure” – eating an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, downing jalapeño poppers when I should’ve ordered a salad, choosing a brownie over an apple… I was eating healthfully most of the time and my relationship with food was better, but it wasn’t good, it wasn’t perfect. Eating was often accompanied by a sense of denial, failure, and anxiety. I felt like I was always calculating whether my successes outweighed my failures on a daily basis and always wishing that I “did better.”
The Good. The “Good Era” began with forgiveness and acceptance. (For those of us who have a bit of a perfectionist streak, this can be a difficult lesson.) I chose to follow the diet that I learned about in my Health Coach training program called the 90/10 diet – I eat healthfully 90% of the time, but I have 10% of my diet that’s up in the air, ready for whatever comes my way! When we go to the pizza place, I order pizza (and not a salad, dressing on the side). When it’s hot, I have ice cream. When I’m at a potluck and there are 8 types of dessert, I try a couple. I stopped trying to deny myself the pleasure of enjoying food and just started eating. I stopped calculating calories or thinking “well, if I eat this now, then I won’t eat again later.” I started living in the moment, listening to my intuition and trusting myself enough to know that I would take care of myself and make the best decision for my overall wellbeing (sanity included).
Now I supposed you’re wondering if I eat pizza and ice cream everyday. And the answer is “no,” because eating pizza and ice cream everyday doesn’t leave me feeling energized and full of life; it leaves me feeling sluggish and bloated. I feel best when I actively choose to take care of my body’s requirements, which means eating healthfully most of the time, while also allowing myself the pleasure of indulgence. And since I’ve allowed myself this pleasure, there’s no guilt, I haven’t done anything “wrong.” I am accepting the fact that I am an imperfect being, embracing it and moving on to bigger and better things.
What’s most amazing about this transformation is that the current era, “The Good,” has resulted in more positive eating choices than ever. I have finally reached a point where I genuinely want to take care of myself and feel great! So my challenge to you is to enjoy your food (whatever it may be), forgive yourself daily (more if necessary), and start to tune in to your true self and your intuitive nature, and you too can learn how to JUST EAT.
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