A Mother’s Life with an Allergic Child

I’m going to be honest in saying that this post isn’t for you; it’s for me. It’s my way of expressing my innermost emotions that have become the obsession of my thoughts for the past 6 months or so. And this blog post isn’t going to packed with emotional support, inspiration, problem solving and happy endings. Instead, I’m venting. I’m telling you how it is, embracing the fact that not everything in life is accompanied by joy or satisfaction, and hoping that someone out there can relate to my story in one way or another and find comfort in knowing that they’re not alone. I’m also sharing for those who don’t understand the severity of a food allergy. Perhaps a waiter/waitress will read this and have a bit more compassion for the next person who asks “what do you have that’s dairy-free?”

As of Thanksgiving, Owen had his fifth allergic reaction to food (he’s less than 15 months old at this point, started eating solids around 6-months, so that averages out to 1 reaction every other month – not a good record). I vividly remember the first time it happened. All of the other mothers in Owen’s play group were feeding their babies all sorts of foods, but instinctually, I knew better for Owen. He was rashy, intolerant of casein (milk proteins), and just seemed a little more sensitive than most. But I saw the ease at which other mothers were feeding their children… a bit of this, a bite of that, no problem. So I let down my guard, fed Owen exactly what I was eating, and then proceeded to spend the next six hours holding him upright to vomit every half hour. It was horrible. I felt like a horrible mother. My instinct was telling me what to do, but I failed to listen to it.

The second time it happened, we were in Rite Aid when Owen started vomiting all over the floor, greeting cards and myself. He was strapped to my chest in an infant carrier and I felt as if we were both trapped. Third time we had to pull over on the side of the road while Owen vomited in a school field, fourth time was again at the house and a couple of night’s ago at a friend’s house was reaction number five. And these are just the bad ones. There are also the unexplained rashes and the incredible amount of congestion that accompanies egg consumption. Really, his GI tract is a mess.

Owen’s sensitivities started at 2-months of age. He was 9 lbs 2 oz at birth, placing him in the 99% percentile for size. Somewhere between his 2 and 4 month visit, Owen had stopped gaining weight. After some trial and error, we discovered that Owen was sensitive to dairy – the dairy that I was eating. Owen was breastfed, meaning that my food was making his sick. He wasn’t at all fussy, so I had no real indication that there was a problem, but once I eliminated dairy from my diet I realized that Owen had had chronic diarrhea for months. How was I to know the difference? He was my first baby and I didn’t know what his dirty diapers were supposed to look like. In those 2 short months, Owen dropped from being in the 99th percentile down to the 33rd. Again, I felt horrible. I felt ignorant for not knowing any better, but worse, I couldn’t stop thinking about the damage that had been caused to his little system. Could it be that my early mistake has resulted in his lifetime of food intolerances? I don’t know, but I can’t help but wonder and try to forgive myself.

Luckily, we moved on from the dairy intolerance. Owen can eat and actually LOVES to eat anything with dairy at this point (thank goodness for that!). But as time passed I collected his list of “don’t” foods. The major ones are wheat and eggs. The minor ones include coconut, sesame, beets and soy. Our pediatrician recommended that we carry an Epi-pen and referred us to an allergist, but I didn’t make the appointment immediately, because I felt as though things were relatively under control… until the chicken incident. It had appeared that chicken made Owen vomit for hours. It turned out to be something else, but it set me over. I made the appointment and visited the allergist last week.

Owen was tested for allergies to nine different foods and the one’s that came back positive were wheat, eggs and rye. Whew, what a relief. Finally, someone to confirm my neurotic obsession with Owen’s eating habits. Keep in mind that these are the actual allergies (i.e vomiting and respiratory problems); intolerances (rashes and other reactions) are tested for in a different way.

My suspicions were confirmed, so down went the guard again…. and that’s when Thanksgiving occurred. I’m not really sure what Owen reacted to. Sorghum? Tapioca starch? I have no idea. But I was once again left with that same horrible feeling of knowing that I had unintentionally failed at my most important job in life – being Owen’s mother.

But I suppose the larger cloud lurking overhead is the seemingly impossible task of training a toddler to know to say “no” to wheat and eggs (or anything out of a package, really, since he reacts to all sorts of unknown ingredients). Up to this point, Owen hasn’t attended day care. He’s been at home with me. Safe. Protected. But what happens when his little buddy shoves a cracker in his mouth? Will it be the cracker that causes Owen’s throat to close, resulting in him being administered epinephrine and then rushed to the hospital? Ugh. I suppose we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

So, I guess there is a bright side to all of this. First off, I’m so thankful to be a health coach who has the food knowledge to cope with Owen’s allergies. Wheat- and egg-free? No big deal for this gal, but for others I imagine it’s a completely different story. My heart genuinely goes out to those who feel as if they’re fumbling through a list of “don’ts” and desperately comparing it to food labels. Second, this has been such a strong lesson in trusting my intuition. Dealing with Owen’s food allergies has been embarrassing at times. I realize that I sound crazy: “Is there any soy, wheat, eggs, sesame or coconut in that?” Really, Leah? Is the list that long or are you just that neurotic? I KNOW the list is REALLY that long. I’ve seen the impact of these foods and I feel it in my gut. As we progress, I learn more and more how to listen to my intuitive nature and ignore the judgements of others.

All in all, I know it’ll be okay, but I guess I just wanted to share. I suppose it’s nice for you to know that even health coaches have some real issues with food and health. And it’s nice for me to know that I don’t always have to act like I have it all together when it comes to diet. What would you say if we all decided to just sit back and be human every now and then. 🙂

Thanks for listening.