Let’s Get Real, Sometimes I Break

I was buying two small bags of chips in the grocery store a few weeks back and a mother who follows me on Facebook or Instagram witnessed the purchase. She said how relieved she was to know that I too waste money on processed junk for the kids every now and then. I was actually headed to Costco that day and June is a terrible passenger, so I occupy her time with chips on long car rides. It’s a special treat that’ll keep her busy for at least 30 or 40 minutes, so hey, why not? I need some peace every now and then too.  

A few days prior, I found myself stranded, snack-less, with June. We all know how easy it is to ask a toddler to wait for anything (especially food), so we popped into the bakery for a day-old, $0.80 danish. We follow a grain-free, dairy-free, sugar-free diet, so this was certainly out of our norm, but I enjoyed this special occasion with my sweet girl while we sat on a bench in the sun. Owen is allergic to wheat and nuts (and other foods), so eating out with him isn’t all that enjoyable. I must say that it was awfully nice to just sit and enjoy a special treat without worrying about the impending threat of anaphylaxis. When I shared this story with a good friend, she mentioned that she was relieved to hear that I not only ate, but also fed my child a danish on this rare occasion. 

Finally, I was visiting with a friend, time got away from us, and before I knew it, we were headed home at 5:20 p.m. without dinner already prepared. I mentioned that it might be a snack night and she said that she was glad that we resorted to quick meals like this on occasion too. While yes, I’m one of the most organized people I know when it comes to food prep, I fall short every now and then and succumb to strange mixes of foods that I wouldn’t normally feed my children. 

Social Media and False Perfectionism

All of these instances got me thinking about how social media plays into our ideas about parenting and our expectations of ourselves. I promote healthy living through Facebook and Instagram, which means I’m not painting a completely accurate representation of my life. While yes, I mostly follow the diet you see portrayed through social media, I fall short every now and then. I am a human, you know?

If I’m fully honest with myself (and you), the abnormal occurrence of treats I described above are a result of my own emotional conflict with some news we received about June. She has some very minor atelactasis in her lower left lung, which is essentially minor collapsing where she’s likely experiencing mucus build up or inadequate air exchange. Up until now we’ve seen very few signs and symptoms that June has cystic fibrosis, but this news was the indicator that something is wrong and that all of the preventative measures we’re instructed to take are in fact 100% necessary. And really, we should be doing more if damage is already starting to occur. 

We got the call from our doctor about June’s lung during my work hours. I tried to get back to it and go about my day, but how are you supposed to carry on without skipping a beat when you hear that your 20 month old child has a deteriorating lung? My heart broke a little that day as it has at many points along this journey with June, and to be fully honest, some days I feel broken. There are days when I feel so overwhelmed, burnt out, and emotionally drained that I’m unsure as to why I chose the path of motherhood in the first place. No one ever told me that it would be filled with such heartache at times. 

I attended the Organic Growers School Annual Conference this weekend and listened to a talk on the Five Elements – healing theory based on Chinese Medicine. The speaker said that anytime you have an ill child, you must first treat the mother. A mother who cares for a chronically ill child is depleted and needs to replenished. Her words completely validated many of the emotions I had been experiencing over the past few weeks. What I’m slowly realizing is that validation can often aid in the healing process, and is sometimes all we need to feel like we can keep moving forward with our burden. 

My point in discussing all of this is to let you know that while I am the resourceful and dedicated mother that you see on Facebook, I’m no where close to being perfect. I eat chips too; I miss the mark sometimes, and it’s usually because I’m fighting an unseen battle. 

Reality vs. Perfection

So, back to my family’s “perfect” diet and my own failures… my realization of people’s perceptions of my family’s diet made me aware that we all need to be a little bit more real with ourselves. While I’m not going to start posting photos of my family eating chips, because well, my objective is to inspire and I simply can’t inspire you with chips and danishes. We inspire enough of that on our own. I’d instead love to share more openly and honestly with other moms about other aspects of our mothering and health journeys, and how we’re all just imperfect beings doing the best we can. I do believe in the benefits of a restrictive diet and I believe that many of us can achieve much better for ourselves if we improve the way we eat. So, I’m not changing anything about what I preach or try to practice. I’m just trying to let you know that I’m human and I have my own struggles that cause me to fail every now and then. Does that mean I’m any less of a mother? Definitely not. I simply won’t let myself believe those lies. But I do want to inspire people on another level to know that you’re not alone in your struggles. 

I feel so busy that I rarely get to connect with other moms in a way that feels supportive and nurturing. I crave those relationships, because it’s that time spent with other moms when I realize that it’s okay that I miss the mark – they’re missing the mark too. When I see their beautiful families on Facebook, I see their perfect lives, but their words during face-to-face visits don’t always align with their images. We capture the images of perfection so that we can look back and remember how wonderful it was be the mother of a young child, but that doesn’t have to mean that it’s not hard every now and then too. 

Guest Bloggers Wanted!

I’d like to start a series of guest posts on my blog that outline the struggles and/or successes of other mothers when it comes to their families and individual health. I shared a bit about my own struggle above, which is that I feel overwhelmed by my children’s health conditions. I have a lot on my plate and it sometimes prevents me from nourishing myself and my family in a way that feels fulfilling. I know other mothers have their own stories that can help inspire the rest of us to feel a little more normal, and these are the stories I want to hear. You should also know that the process of writing can feel incredibly therapeutic. This exercise is as much for you as it is for everyone else. I just think it’s high time we all start getting real, feeling vulnerable and supporting each other through our challenges. 

If you’re interested in writing as a guest blogger, please send me an email at Leah@deeprootedwellness.com and I’ll get back to you soon. And don’t forget to share this post with an inspiring mom in your life who might have something to contribute as well.