Picky Eating and What I Feed My Kids

I’m often asked about picky eating what I feed my kids. The quick answer is “exactly what I’m eating.” To illustrate this point, I’ve included a week’s worth of photos of my 3.5 year old’s plate before he begins eating. On most days he eats everything on his plate and often has seconds of the foods that he prefers (i.e. he’d eat 3lbs of sweet potato fries if I let him). But I should also say that he hasn’t always eaten like this. Owen started as a picky eater, but he’s now the polar opposite – he’ll eat nearly anything and everything. 

I know that picky eating is a sensitive subject for some, so I should start by saying that I’m not judging your parenting skills if you happen to have a picky eater. I don’t have all the answers, so how you choose to make these decisions is entirely up to you. I do, however, feel that feeding our children nutritious food is an important part of our role as parents and it’s our responsibility to make these decisions for our children. As adults we have an understanding of a healthy, balanced diet. We realize that donuts taste great, but that we shouldn’t eat donuts every day because our health would suffer. Children don’t understand this. They make decisions based solely on taste, but as we all know, taste alone can’t drive our food decisions. If given the choice, children would choose the donut over something like zucchini every single time, but this is where the parent swoops in and takes away the choice – donuts aren’t an option, but zucchini is. 

My 3.5 year old son was fairly picky around 18 months with a very short list of foods that he would eat. I’d offer other foods, but he’d decline, and I’d quickly offer an alternative that I knew he’d eat. He had a difficult time gaining weight as a baby due to a food sensitivity, so I felt hypersensitive to the fact that he needed the nourishment. I had no thought of ever changing our meal habits till our pediatrician mentioned that,

“If you keep feeding your child special foods, you’re going to be making him special foods till he’s 18 years old.”

Hmm… well, that wasn’t my intention. I wanted a healthy child who ate from the garden and enjoyed a variety of nutritious meals, but apparently I was on track for raising my child on mac and cheese, muffins and mashed sweet potatoes. So, I stopped offering an alternative. I offered a healthy, nutritious meal that included the same foods that my husband and I were enjoying, and if Owen declined, then he didn’t eat. Period. 

I distinctly remember the first two weeks of implementing my new approach, because they were truly awful. Owen wouldn’t eat a single thing I offered and he was clearly as hungry as he’d ever been. 

THE PROBLEM WAS THAT I HAD TRAINED HIM TO REFUSE FOOD AND THEN BE OFFERED A MORE TASTY ALTERNATIVE.

This wasn’t a habit that was going to simply disappear. During those two weeks I had a few moments during which I caved and offered something that I knew he’d eat, but in general I stuck to my guns. And at the end of the two weeks it was like a light went off and he suddenly realized that he was only going to be offered one meal and that he’d better eat it if he was hungry. 

The take home message is that your child will eat whatever you offer if they’re hungry. If you’ve trained your child to enjoy a limited number of foods, then your child is going to continue eating a limited number of foods until you stop offering alternatives. People are always impressed by the foods that Owen will eat and the reason is simple…

I DON’T GIVE MY CHILDREN ANY OTHER OPTION. OWEN AND JUNE ARE ONLY OFFERED ONE MEAL, THE MEAL THAT MY HUSBAND AND I ARE EATING.

There are a number of theories as to why picky eating develops, but I have a hard time believing that it’s from anything other than us, the parents, and our desire to nurture our children. So, picky eating isn’t something that’s developed through bad parenting; it’s quite the opposite. It’s developed through our desire to watch our children grow, thrive, and be satisfied. But at some point we have to separate our feelings of love from the logical consequences of our actions.

WHAT ARE WE DOING FOR OUR CHILDREN BY SETTING THEM UP FOR A LIFETIME OF LIMITED, UNHEALTHY FOOD CHOICES?

What are we doing by feeding them empty calories during the period of their lives in which they’re growing the most? Will their bones and teeth develop correctly? Will their hearts be strong? Will they reach their psychological potential if their brain isn’t receiving proper nutrition? Will their gut microbiota be so skewed that they develop spectrum disorders such as ADHD or Autism? This may seem extreme, but there’s evidence showing that malnourishment during early years can lead to a whole slew of developmental problems. The good news is that children are dynamic and many of these negative consequences can be reversed through early nutritional intervention. 

My take home message is primarily for the parents of extremely young children who have not yet become set in their ways when it comes to food. Don’t fall into the picky eating trap as many of us do. Offer the foods that you think are most nutritious and I guarantee that you kids will eat these foods when they’re hungry. As they grow older, they’ll never know any differently and healthy eating will be their norm. There are kids in other countries who grow up eating insects, organs, blood, roots, herbs,  and strange fruits and vegetables. You know why they eat these things? Because that’s all they were ever given. They weren’t offered a McDonald’s Happy Meal when the blood sausage was refused.

If you’re the parent to an older child who is a picky eater, then this process will likely be more difficult and the transition might take more time. But don’t let this deter you from trying! Tough love is an important less for us to learn when it comes to teaching our children how to eat properly. 

Feel free to share your own experiences or questions in the comments section below. Supporting each other in this battle will be a huge asset!